Explore guilt… I thought this would be an easy one as I don’t really feel guilty about anything. No regrets! I’ve done the best I could in every situation! Live in the present, don’t worry about the past!
I don’t even know what guilt feels like in my body.
Anger I usually feel across my chest. Shame, deep in my belly. Fear in my stomach. But I found it hard to connect with a feeling of guilt.
If you haven’t guessed already, I was in a state of denial! I couldn’t SEE guilt because I’ve been swimming in it my whole life.
What I’ve realised now is that guilt has always had a massive impact on me. In my teens and twenties I felt guilty that I wasn’t nicer, funnier, thinner, prettier. I decided that I wasn’t good enough so I should feel guilty about that. Guilt drove me to work hard because that was the only thing I felt good at. But I couldn’t allow myself any praise because I should have done even better. If I got 97% I should have got 100%.
Are you picking up on one of the clues that guilt is present? The word ‘SHOULD’.
How often do you say should in a day?
I should be…
I should have…
I should know…
When I started to live my purpose and share my gifts with the world I was constantly sabotaging myself. I’d procrastinate for days and focus on the wrong things. I found myself getting less confident in my mission. Do you ever feel like giving up?
I set high expectations for myself and my business which I clearly wasn’t living up to. This drove me to Facebook and food mainly. 2 mighty distractions that hid my guilt beautifully. But guess what… I’d feel guilty for feeding my bad habits which led me to more…ffs!
What was the guilt telling me? It was telling me I should be someone I’m not, I should be better than I am, I shouldn’t be feeling this way.
My first reaction was to push the guilt away. I didn’t want it. It really did nothing for me. But then I remembered what I always say to my clients… everything has a positive intention.
So what was the positive intention of guilt? It took a while but eventually I realised it helped me receive love and it helped me survive. Love and survival are the strongest drivers we have, so it’s no wonder I’ve held onto the guilt so long.
Are you also holding onto guilt? Can you see how it stops you shining?